Los Angeles

Feeling home.

January 11, 2005

After two weeks of non-stop storms and record rains, the sun came out and I decided to make use of it since I have not been able to wander since moving here.

Being close to the charming Montana Street here in Santa Monica has it’s benefits – a quick walk and I was sipping tea to fight of the forceful winds that were taking down palm trees everywhere. A little walk more and I was in a paper store picking out note cards of thanks. A block or two more and I found myself at the most wonderful store, House Inc, where I will purchase a set of bedding once I can wade through the sample fabrics I was given.

Coming home, the flowers were clinging for dear life on the tree but welcomed me just the same. And once inside the flat, I was relaxed, calm, and for the first time in a year, so very happy and hopeful.

So far as I can tell, I am home. Though I still have the lingering want to move back to France (and know I will eventually), I think I have found a place that fits me and a place where I feel like I belong (no one seems to judge or care who you are here, so many friendly people and lots of please and thank-yous. Plus sun!). It makes all the terrifying moments, the uncertaintity of moving and all the fear I had about it all so worth it when I wake up each day and welcome it instead of wanting to climb under the covers because I don’t understand the point of getting out.

Now, instead of wondering what life would be like if I kicked my own ass, I know. And it’s really enforced in me that there’s no such thing as failure, just experience. Oh things aren’t all settled nor easy but being OK with the process, the waiting, the figuring makes it all a bit easier. Making once good choice always leads to others.

Here’s to making more.