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January 27, 2007

Mr. Jack Darcy

It has been an intense week of meetings, talking, work and cold, rainy dark weather. So when the sun appeared today I decided that I needed to take some time off and head to the hill country for a long walk outdoors.

It was good to meander along the river, watching Jack drink from it for the first time and discovering that he loves water (which makes me look forward to swimming with him in the summer). Walking with him for the first time on a trail was an experience; he sniffed everything, discovered little trails I might have overlooked and not walked, sat to watch people and played with other dogs as they passed. Usually when I walk it's at a pretty good pace though I thought I still noticed things such as who in my neighborhood has just moved in, who has new landscaping, a tree that's fallen, where the mean dog is, where the nice kitty is. But on this particular walk with the dog and a slower pace, I began to notice even more. And I began to forget about the intense week and the one coming up and the chores that had to be done.

About half way into the trail, we met a young girl about 9 who stopped and asked what my dogs name was. "Jack Darcy," I said and she scribbled it into her notebook. I asked why she was writing it down and she said, "I'm taking notes! Lots of notes. Four pages already! It's full of interesting things. I noticed them but then I don't want to forget them. It’s so easy when I'm bored to think I never do anything. This makes me pay attention and remember that I do."

I asked her what kinds of things she had written down and she began to recite her whole list to me; the wooden squirrel, the horseshoe tracks, a broken tree (two actually), a dog named Sadie, a dog named Griffith who was missing a tooth, small fish, a very yellow butterfly, a rock with four wholes and so on. I asked her if they were in the direction I was headed to which she assured me they were.

So as I walked the trail I began to look for these things I might otherwise not have noticed. And I saw them - every one.

They say that children and dogs change you because they force you to look at the world differently. I didn't realise when I met Jack just before Christmas how much I needed him to help change me back to me. I thought because I was always relaxed, easy going, happy go lucky, walked and noticed things that I was still that way. Because I had this idea in my head of who I was and clung to it I hadn't realised just how fast paced my life had become. When friends called me a "Jet Setter" I'd always deny it because I didn't see myself that way. When people kept saying I had the most going on I'd down play every bit of work because I wasn't a workaholic. When people kept noticing details I was missing I downplayed it that I'd notice them too if I cared and I didn't care (but I did). The truth is - I just didn't have the time because I'd become consumed by being "busy" and just hiding behind the fact that I loved what I did so busy wasn't bad. But it was. It usually is.

There is a scene in the movie Tuck Everlasting that has haunted me since I first saw it; it's when the Tucks are making a cherry pie and they take each cherry and individual pit it. Think of how many cherries it takes to make a pie and there they were, pitting them one by one. When I saw that scene I knew something was off with me because I wanted that experience but at the same time kept thinking what a waste of time. So I slowly began to incorporate slow living back into my life. I resisted having a microwave, a blender, a beater so that when I baked and cooked it would be as manual and slow as possible so I would be in the moment and not rush. However, I very seldom did this and ended up eating out all the time instead. So I could be in the moment when it suited me which just wasn't very often.

But today, today I can say with certainty that I was once again. Things slowed down, I slowed down. And that didn't mean that things weren't done or tasks fell to the wayside or that I'm never going to work or jet set again (I have four big meetings coming up, two transcon trips and one to Denmark all in a matter of 16 days!). It's just that there's a place and time for everything. And sometimes there's just time for looking for horseshoe tracks in the mud and sometimes for working out business deals. The trick is to being present and truthful in both.