alex the girl

One of the biggest motivating lines I've heard parents use on their children for obtaining a "good life" is, if you don't study hard, you'll end up just a garbage man. Hearing that line always makes me cringe.

In the summer of 1996 I lived in the West End of Vancouver, Canada. A charming, well-kept neighbourhood that bordered the beach, Stanly Park and the downtown corridor. Living there was brilliant - and desired. It's vacancy rate has always held at under 1%.

But that summer, it became a not so dreamy place to live when the Garbage Men went on strike. At first, nobody felt anything. However, after a week or two, when garbage overflowed every dumpster, the alleys and streets smelt so bad and our once pristine area was dirtier than you could ever imagine, people were calling up their local garbage men, pleading for them to go back to work.

It'd take them two months and in during those two months, anyone who lived in or visited the West End learned how important a Garbage Man was.

It's always bothered me in America how there is this push for University and becoming something. Don't get me wrong - I totally support education, learning and being the best you can be. What I don't support is the idea that University and being a CEO is all that there is and everyone has to go that route because if they don't, they'll be nothing more than a garbage man and who wants that?

I think that kind of thinking is unfair to those who want or have more basic jobs - jobs we need. If you want to be a plumber, I don't think you need four years in University; you need a trade school. If you want to just work retail, then some courses and experience might serve you best. Isn't high school supposed to teach you a lot, prepare you in some way? I don't think it does in America that much considering how people say here it isn't worth anything nowadays.

If education is supposed to be something everyone ought to do, why is it so expensive? Why isn't it free? If education is important, if becoming a better person is important, why don't the rates drop? Why are parents told to start saving for their child's university when they're a baby? It doesn't make sense.

I've seen a lot of people go through university who come out only knowing how to pass tests and do the minimum to graduate. They're often not any smarter, happier or more in touch with what to do with their lives. They go in on automatic pilot and come out just as confused - but with a sense they are somehow better than somehow who didn't go.

Oh, I know this isn't the case with every graduate but I don't see why people are looked down on for not going to university, for being a garbage man, or a teller, or a clerk. We need those services so why look down on the people who do them?

I should confess that I have not been to university but that doesn't mean that I'm not educated. I had an excellent high school education and when I compare my last two years of school to that of my husbands first two years of university, they're the same. When I compare my travels, experiences, and learning on the job to the latter of this two years they're almost the same. I chose to learn and become something, just in a different way. In fact, every major job I've had has always required a university degree - something I don't have - yet I've always landed the jobs anyway.

It took Chris three schools and ten years to graduate. He admits that his first school he failed at because he wasn't ready for it; he went because he thought that's what one did when they graduated high school and his family told him he had to go or he'd end up in the gutter. He wasn't into it, the classes, the school and had no idea who he was and why he was doing it. So he dropped out. He took a break for a year and chose a different school and did fairly well but again, was on automatic pilot - it didn't have purpose or meaning. He had to leave that school when we changed states and his education was on hold for a couple of years. When he decided to go back to school, it was because he wanted to and had a clear idea of who he was and what he wanted. He wasn’t going because his mum told him he had to or because he had no alternatives. And when he went to this third school, he went in a specialized program that focused on what he wanted and he rocked it out; graduated magna cum laude, using his knowledge from his job for school and vice versa and actually enjoying what he was learning and the classes he took. His last university experience was completely different - and better - than his first because it was his choice and not something he just because he was told to do.

In a lot of Commonwealth Countries it's very normal for a person out of high school to go on a one year work holiday somewhere. Take some time off to visit places, learn about the world, others and themselves. Often people return home to study or apprentice and sometimes they return to do a more basic job. It's been my experience when an 18-year old in America says they want to take off for a year that they're going to be told their flightly, won't amount to anything and are ruining their life. They're 18. Learning doesn't have to take place from 18-22 or in a University - it just has to take place sometime, somehow, somewhere.

And, if this is the country of the free and individual, why isn't that more accepted? Why is everyone expected to do the same thing and become some kind of rock star making millions and if they don't, you can look down on them and use their life to frighten your children.

As I said, I'm not bashing University whatsoever. I totally believe in and support education and learning. My point is that there's more than one way to do this and if someone chooses a different way or more basic work, there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different.

Diversity makes the world go round so why would there ever be any expectations to be all the same? And anyone who's not is somehow bad or less than? Maybe one person doesn't want to be a garbage man but it doesn't mean they don't need them. It doesn't mean they're better than. It just means they're doing something different.

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October 29, 2004

Three frustrating things:

Whenever I say something challenging about America or living in it, I get a flood of email from people telling me to leave the country if I don't like it. This is so bloody absurd. Why? If a friend was leading a really crap life and you saw a better alternative and thought that by mentioning an idea that could help them, wouldn't you do it? It doesn't mean they have to change but what's wrong with sharing ideas or different ways of being? Why is challenging the status quo such a bad thing? My challenges aren’t always right or the best but perhaps something to think about. Besides, if a challenge makes one that angry then perhaps they ought to think more of why a nerve was hit than why I ought to leave the country.

The other frustration is when I speak in general terms, I receive a flood of email from people who say, "I don't do that," or "In my neighbourhood we're not like that." That's fine, then my message wasn't for you.

I tend to speak more globally than personally because that's how I see things. Living in 6 countries and in several states in the US, being married to an American, having a diverse family, reading news from around the world and several sources, and seeing America from the point of my husband, as an immigrant, as a corporate person, as an entrepreneur, as a resident in the country and as a previous foreigner outside of it, I see America from a lot of different perspectives and a lot of different ways. I understand its history and its way of being on so many different levels - most likely more than the average American . Because of this I tend to speak on broader terms based on the majority. I understand generally, in America, people tend to take comments and ideas a lot more personally than in other places. That comments one makes in general terms are going to feel like personal attacks which they’re not. They’re general ideas, observations and statements.

So maybe although you and your ten friends don't do it, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen generally or at all. I understand that not everyone does everything. I just tend to speak about the majority of which I've seen a lot of.

And lastly: realise, specialise, neighbourhood, cosy - these are all correct spellings.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 27, 2004

Five years ago, I purchased a small beta fish and named him Lester. One week later he died.

The following year, I purchased another beta, kept him in the same bowl, named him Dude and had him for about two years.

After his passing, I purchased yet another beta, named him Badass and kept him in the same bowl. Despite moving with him 4 times, having the cat drink out of his bowl, having him be out of his water for at least 1/2hr on the carpet, having him not be fed for two weeks, and having his water almost freeze, he has survived happily for the past three years in his little bowl.

This has taught me that a name is everything when it comes to beta fishes.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 23, 2004

Whilst browsing my local bookstore yesterday, I cam across Natural Home Magazine's November/December issue. This was perfect timing as this month it discusses how to create a healthy, organic bedroom - exactly what I need.

As mentioned, I'm starting small, one room at a time, with going organic. It's an investment and I don't want to be overwhelmed with doing everything, so here I start.

My goal is to get an organic wool or rubber mattress, wooden slat bedframe (I currently have one, but it's rather crap after 5 years of good use. Time for new!), cotton sheets, wool duvet, new pillows, organic rug and depending how the new flat goes, some organic paint for the walls.

The next step will be the lounge (a couch, a table), kitchen/work space (table, chairs, rugs) and that's as far as I'm going with the exception of new linens (towels, bedding). I'm not going to do everything organic (for instance, I don't care so much where my cookwear comes from as long as it's stainless and affordable. Plates? Don't care as I like to mix and match older styles and other bits will come from whereever).

Because I live simply, don't like clutter or things, and because I'm selling off every bit of furniture I currently have, I can really start new. New without going crazy. It's interesting and I have to say, rather exciting.

So while I poured over the magazine last night before bed, I started to think about what it'd be like to once again have a cosy space with fresh air coming through a window, a duvet that is light yet warm and sheets that are the softest things I've ever felt. And when I thought about it like that, the cost, the effort, and the learning curve didn't seem to be such an issue.

Quality over quantity. Health over convience. Totally.

(PS: I've been overloaded with rec's for organic living and I'd kindly ask if you have one to make, to please hold off. As mentioned, I know how to do the organic living as far as food, health, home care. I'm now going for the bedroom and furniture and that I've got under control at the moment. Thanks!)

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 21, 2004

To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. -- T. Roosevelt

Dear Americans,

I've written before how, because I am not a U.S. Citizen, I cannot vote. This year, I sure would like to.

As mentioned, I am not loyal to either party or leader. I am not loyal to someone just because they are president or the opponent. What I am loyal to is my needs and the needs of the country in which I am currently residing which for the past 5 years, has been America.

For four of those years, I don't think my needs and the needs of the country have been met. I keep having far more questions than answers despite talking to a lot of Republicans, reading papers, listening to debates and speeches. I've looked past the banter, the propaganda, the sugar-coated news and really, honestly looked at the reality of the current Bush Administration. I find it really, really hard to understand how people can support Bush. It is really bothersome that so many people stick with Bush out of fear ("I don't trust someone else to get us out of the mess, so I'll trust the guy who got us into it). I don't understand people who say Kerry isn't a "regular guy" because of his money, yet don't apply this logic to Bush. I don't understand how they can miss all the actual facts of the war, of the spending, of the change in laws and freedoms since Bush has been in Office. I have listened to Bush and read so much about him and his beliefs to see if I was missing something or being overly harsh, but I promise you, I'm not. I've done more reading and listening than those who can vote because I want to live in a country that rocks out - not in a country that hides in fear and makes bad decisions.

I'm angered that a lot of coverage is on how each side bashses the other instead of what the current government has really done (or not done in many cases), what the outcomes of each government would be and what each candidate believes. I have to say, that even though I can't participate, one of the things outside of the war and economy that really excites me about Kerry's plan is his higher education plan. I really believe America just pushes kids into university for money (if everyone is supposed to be educated, why does it cost so much?). Kerry says that if you give your community two years of service by volunteering somehow (old peoples homes, kids programs, government - whatever), you'll get a free university education. How amazing is that? You give to your community which connects you, gives you time to figure out who you are and what you do, and then you get rewarded and you're ready to learn. That is amazing. What will Bush do? Anyone? I couldn't find that information. I couldn't find anything promising about healthcare, social security, the war, how other countries view the US.

If I had the time I would share with you all the facts I've learned from all the reading I've done on both sides. Since I didn't grow up in the US I understand how the world sees America and how they'll react if Bush is re-elected. And I tell you, I am very, very scared if Bush is re-elected. I fear more for my safety, for job security and for the rest of the country past 4 years. I think he'll do more damage than good. Don't let the fear make you vote for him.

However, I do not have the right to vote and would ask that if there is an American out there who can vote and wasn't going to, that perhaps you could use your power to vote on my behalf. And, even if you don't agree with whom I'd vote for, I'd still encourage you to vote.

You have a voice and a right that I currently do not have and I think it a shame for you to waste it. I understand that politics can be overwhelming, boring and seem pointless but that's most likely because you're not involved in it.

Just ask yourself who this country belongs to - you or them? If you don't vote, the answer is obvious.

More information on voting:
- PBS has a brilliant program called, The Choice 2004 which I encourage everyone to watch. It really shows who the candidates are, their history, what they've done and what they say they'll do. The site has excellent information on the candidates, their history and what they intend to do in the future.
- Kottke and friends have put together a really informative site on voting. Easy to read and understand.
- MTV's Rock the Vote has all the dish as well as how to register.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 20, 2004

One of the things I'm most excited about with moving with nothing is the fact that I get to really think about my home and what I want in it. And I've come to the conclusion I want to make it the healthiest home possible.

It's no secret that I am a huge believer in organic products; I buy all of my food from Whole Foods and do not eat meat with antibiotics, diary that uses hormones and other foods that have lots of chemicals in them.

When cleaning my home, I use organic products - no Lysol, bleach or Mr. Clean. I am a firm believer that inhaling these chemicals is bad for you and the environment. Who wants to spray their kitchen counter with chemicals then plop some food on it? Not I. My skin is sensitive enough without having to worry about what my washing up liquid is doing.

I'm no hippy or new age girl but a believer in good, clean, preventive health. The extra cost for natural products is worth it to me; I've saved so much in healthcare and just feel so much better. In fact, in the three years Chris and I have lived this way we've had neither colds, headaches or any other typical ailments (my hospital stay had to do with genetics).

But food and cleaning materials is all I've done thus far. I've never really thought much about other things such as furniture, linens, paint, and where things were made. And I thought, if I'm eating and cleaning well, paying attention to those labels, why stop there?

One of the areas of health that has eluded us is sleep. After several moves in a couple of years our once nice bed has become broken. The room we're in now isn't the healthiest nor the nicest and our bedding has begun to suck. Chris has sleep issues which cause me sleep issues and in desperation, I picked up a wonderful book for information on how to create a better bedroom. It gave me ideas not just about the bedroom, but also how to make my home a little more healthy.

We've both realised that without sleep, everything suffers and we had already vowed that our number one priority in the new flat was to invest in an excellent bed with a fabulous duvet, linens, frame and paint. This book helped me to realise that I want a natural wood frame, a great mattress, organic cotton and linen sheets and milk paint for the walls instead of regular latex (when I painted the walls in my last bedroom, the paint smell kept us up for weeks).

I've been surfing through one of my favourite companies, Gaiam, and have found natural bedding from mattress, recycled wood frames, pillows, duvets and sheets. I'm going organic.

Sometimes people do not see the value of things, just the cost. Why spend so much on a bed when you can get it all for $5 at Wallmart? First, for my health and second for the environment. I want to do my part so that buying organic is normal, healthy living is normal instead of it being some crazy persons' kick.

It's my goal over the next several months (December through March) to chronicle the creation of a home, from scratch, in a healthy, organic, pretty way. I'll try to share purchases (like another great book on healthy home living from Jane Alexander), information and ideas because generally when I've looked for this information, it's always been by people with lots of money and way out there ideas (I'm not into crystals, hanging symbols all over or chanting). I want to show it in a more real way, for every day.

Link One: Lifekind for wool and rubber mattresses and bed frames.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 16, 2004

Nieces, originally uploaded by alexthegirl.

In January of this year, I lost my neices and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure and, for lack of a better term, get over.

For most of the year I've had terribly nightmares each night where I see my eldest neice but I am hiding from her. Even though I want nothing more than to see her, I know I am not supposed to see her and do my best to hide from her behind doors, clothes hanging from the line, and blankets. But she keeps searching for me (I'm her favourite), always crying out, "Auntie, Auntie." After awhile she'll notice my feet as I hide and know it's me. After she finds me we would hug each other and just cry.

Now the dreams are softer. I don't fight so hard when she comes looking for me and she finds me more easily. We talk now instead of cry when we find each other and last night we even giggled a bit. It's becoming easier to wake up from the dreams but it's still hard.

It's hard every time see a book or a toy I'd love to give her, every time I hear the word "auntie," every time I see a little blonde girl that could be one of them. It hurts so much to no longer be the favourite and to never sit and play. What I wouldn't give for five minutes.

I'm working on it, bit by bit though I'm thinking it's something that will always sting just a little. That's ok, I think. I'm just looking at doing the best I can. That's all one can ever ask for.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 15, 2004

I spent last night and this morning in the ER; I had been quite ill for a couple of days and the pain intensified last night. It was suspected that I had appendicitis.

Immediately I was hooked up to this machine and that and then came time for the usual drawing of the blood. Though the actual act doesn't bother me, in the last several years the after math has.

Right after blood has been taken, I almost always get terribly ill. Last night was no exception. I could feel the blood being drained and I said, "I think I'm going to pass out". The nurse said I had no colour, laid me flat quickly and saw my blood pressure going crazy. I started to shake and get really sick. The whole ordeal lasted a good ten minutes.

Afterwards when the nurse said I was fine I told him it was strange how the needles affected me now. I told him I had had seven surgeries and numerous tests and I never, ever had this reaction until recently. Now I have it every time.

He told me that the body has a memory, creating a emotional response to events and that perhaps somewhere along the line I had a bad experience with needles, which my body remembered. And a huge light bulb went off in my brain for two reasons.

The first was about 5 years ago I had blood taken by an incredibly stupid nurse who gabbed with her friends and chewed gum so loudly. When she took my blood she wasn't paying attention and drew up fluids and such - but not blood. This caused me to go into shock and get sick and every time after blood was taken, I had the same reaction. Even though I had totally forgotten about that one event.

The second reason was that since my body linked that experience to blood taken and created that as a standard reaction - creating a memory - what other experiences were affected by altered memories? Because this was huge for me. It made me realize that perhaps I was connecting one experience somewhere else with a bad outcome just because it happened once. Maybe I was expecting the worse when in fact, I was just going by a memory and not the reality of the moment.

It was a very freeing thought, to think that if I could just become conscious of other memories/experiences that I could alter the outcomes. Now that I see that I don't always have to get sick after blood being taken just because it happened once. I can change my reactions; they don't have to stay the same just because of something that happened once.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 14, 2004

The more I cut my roses, the more they grew. I realised that without their deadweight, the bud had more strength to bloom.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 13, 2004

I was a very scrawny little girl. So much so that I had to wear suspenders because we could never find belts small enough. I hated pants and preferred dresses as they just seemed to fit better.

While a lot of this had to do with genetics and the fact I was born with health complications (almost dying as an infant, had surgeries on ankles), some of it had to do with my diet or lack there of.

I was a terribly picky eater but with reason; I was living with Danish cooking.

Lard on everything, beets at every meal, cheese that smelled so bad and little fishes that smelt worse. Open face sandwiches with unrecognizable things on them and desserts that weren't what a little child would want to it. I loved fruit and vegetables and plain salami. I didn't ever eat junk food or candy and pop and sugar drinks weren't allowed in our home so I knew nothing about them. It was perplexing to my family why I seemed to like all the good foods but couldn't gain weight and wouldn't eat dinner meals.

At 10, my mother, flustered by my skin and bones and refusal to eat suppers, finally took me to a doctor . My mother was concerned that there was something physically wrong with me, that I'd have to have tests done to find out why I couldn't gain weight, if there were problems I had with dinner foods, allergies and what not. Going to the doctor I was afraid as I thought something was going to be seriously wrong and I'd be poked around more than I could stand.

At the office, the doctor asked my mum questions and my mum would answer them as best she could. After a few minutes the doctor asked my mum to leave the room to speak to me alone. She then asked me what was it I liked to eat.

"Chicken and rice," I replied. The doctor nodded and called my mum back into the room.

"To get your daughters weight up, I want you to feed her chicken and rice for every meal for at least a month. Let her snack on as many vegetables and fruits as she likes. Let's test this out and see what happens," the doctor prescribed.

Within a month, I had gained weight and ate happily every night. My mother was relieved and thought the magic diet worked. She wouldn''t know the truth for 20 years.

I often think of this doctor who was smart enough to just be simple. Sometimes there's a problem and people make up big reasons as to why instead of just looking at the basic root cause - in my case I didn't like smelly, weird looking food which was a staple in our home. I did like things that came out of our garden and chicken and rice. It's pretty simple but when the frustration and tension was so high, it was hard to see.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 12, 2004

It's strange, selling off bits of my home little by little. First all the junk went when I moved two months ago. More recently, a side table went to a lovely girl, shelving units went to a family, bookshelves to a man down the street. Slowly my home is becoming less a home and more just a building - and an empty one at that.

When we made the decision to move we began to think of it in terms of starting over. Five years ago we packed up a very old, sad little Toyota with a few of our belongings (I only owned books and some clothes; he brought not much more) and drove from his home clear across the country to Seattle where we moved into a very tiny studio with absolutely nothing. No money, no jobs and no furniture.

Five years later, we had built-up a little something but it still wasn't quiet right. First, we've moved five times within the same area which hasn't helped us to feel connected to any one place. Also he, so busy with everything and I, held up writing in my flat, haven't really meet people here (which was alright as I must confess Seattle people bug the bejesus out of us - especially the women. So competitive, bitchy - meow!). Also, lifestyle wise this area doesn't rack it up for us. It's very corporate, one-way of being, not so creative, not a lot happens (the downtown area with the exception of bars, is quiet after 6PM). Without much to do locally, we began to take a lot trips to visit our friends around the world and celebrate holidays in style. Coming home was always bitter sweet; nice to see our kitty, not so nice to be where we were. There just wasn't a future here that we wanted.

So this fall, with no reason to stay, the decision was made to move away. And then began a very strange set of extraordinary circumstances that lead us on a grand adventure to a new place. One should never question strange events so we didn't and instead just agreed to move without any jobs, home, connections or knowledge. Everything pointed in that direction and we thought it'd all become clear once we were there.

The move would not be easy nor inexpensive. That lead us to selling everything we owned and move with nothing. The bed - gone. The shelves - gone. Desk - get rid of that. TV stand - no more and on and on. Get rid of as much as possible. As much of the past, of the impermanence, of the stuff that once served a purpose but didn't now as we changed. Start over.

At first I have to confess it was hard to let go of these things. I'd always been a vagabond, traveling the world and living out of a suitcase. To own a bed, have a place for my books, a stand for my fish well, it felt good. Despite not having a lot (I'm still a minimalist) I had grown attached to what I had.

But the more I let go, the more free I felt to really move on. I began to think of things I could do in the future. And although it'll most likely take us several months to purchase things and get a home, which means we'll probably be sitting on the floor for awhile and eating on paper plates, I thought how lucky I was to have this chance. A chance to really see who I had become by letting go and moving forward and grow into it instead of being trapped by who I was.

It's been an interesting experience to shed myself of all these things. I now have the freedom to move at the drop of the hat and the way that things have been working as of late, perhaps that's how it will be.

< September 2004 | Main | November 2004 >

October 04, 2004

It was about a month ago I discovered the most perfect job for me. It combined my love of writing, creativity and people with the structure of a job and being paid regularly. It was in a field I adore (entertainment) for a company I totally respect and would love to work for. It would allow me to be me, wear outfits I like instead of pantsuits and use my creativity instead of stifle it. It all suited me to a T so I applied.

A week later the phone rang and I couldn't get to the phone quick enough to answer. However, the caller didn't leave a message. When I checked out the number, it was the company for which I had applied. How strange, I thought, that they rang me but didn't leave a message. So I rang them to find out.

Because I didn't know who to speak to, I had to talk to several different people in HR. Finally one fellow told me to call back in an hour after he investigated what happened. I did and was later told it was a mistake. I wasn't meant to be called. There was no job. Better luck next time.

That should have been the end of it but it wasn't. I knew this job was for me. So I wrote up a follow-up letter telling me that although I was disappointed in not being chosen, that it really solidified my belief that this is what I am meant to do and could they keep my resume for future jobs. I attached my resume again and faxed it through.

A week later I got a call to come in for an interview.

I had two separate interviews and a writing assignment and was told that I'd know within the week. When I didn't hear at the end of the week a sense of panic hit me. The competition for the job was fierce and I was up against people who had degrees and experience in the field. I started to take the silence as an answer.

But that didn't sit well so I emailed and said how much I enjoyed the interview and still wanted the position. I received a response within twenty-minutes saying that I was being considered and that because of hectic schedules, no decision has yet been made.

There's still hope.

This is the first job I have fought for. The first job I've been so scared to not get. It's something I believe in so passionately about that I keep trying my hardest to get it. I know the odds are stacked against me (it's currently one of the most sought after positions and I'm up against people with experience and degrees) but I believe in this and want it so I'm going to do what I can to get it.

Sometimes one has to do that - fight a little for what they want instead of waiting for things to be handed nicely in a package or just sit back complaining about the blase affairs of life. Sometimes you have to mix a little passion, effort and fear to move forward and get what you really want.

I look at it in the way that if I do nothing, that's all I'll ever get.