< Previous | Main | Next >

The number one question I'm asked (and I'm asked it all the time) is where I'm from.

I wish I knew, but I don't.

I don't have a hometown, a house I grew up in, a country I belong to. I'm some kind of vegabond. This used to be a wonderful thing to me, but lately it has me feeling lost.

As a child we moved all the time, almost every year. My father was in real estate and so we'd purchase homes and move according to the market or the bank account. At 18 I set out to see the world - and I did. I've lived in flats, rooms, hotels, camp sites and almost anything else you can think of. I've never owned things because my life always had to fit into a suitcase.

Even in the last five years I've lived in 5 places and I'm tired.

My current home, well, we'll be leaving it soon too. Where to? I'm not sure. California for a year or to Paris or even Zurich. I'm feeling the need to be settled but it just doesn't look like it'll happen anytime soon.

I think this is why I am often jealous of photographs of people sitting in their yard, or pulling things out of their closet they've had stored for 5 years. People who buy good peices of furniture because they know they'll have it for years to come instead of buying disposable IKEA.

From my favourite magazines I tare out pictures of homes that I adore; when I go to my favourite store I pet the pretty home things, like bedding, linens, tablewear. Every time I eat out I think one day when I am settled (and know which electrical wattage I'll use) I too, will some kind of mixer, dishes and pots. I think about how I'll one day have art supplies hanging out in a room instead of a few paints that tuck into a little box that fits in my bag.

Longing is such a dreaded feeling, I think. It makes one feel as though right now is not enough (although, it really is). But, I am trying to use that feeling to perpel me forward and get excited about that home I'll one day have in the south of France where I will run my gite or spa. A place that will have more than one closet and bags that are unpacked and china to pass down to whomever.