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June 12, 2004

When I was 13, I was an unusual girl. My days were spent at school and after that they were usually spent outside playing. I had a tool shed that I converted partially into a fort where, with 3 other girls my age and younger, I'd hold class or tea parties. We would also play in the nearby woods, building more forts, swinging from trees or fishing. In the evening I'd play alone in my room with Barbie dolls, lego's or Tonka Trucks. Before bed I'd read like a mad woman before I fell asleep to repeat again the next day.

This was not normal for a 13 year old girl in my neighbourhood. Most 13 year olds knew what hair spray was, what dating was, what style was. I didn't.

The school I was attending had only been my school for the year previous and because I was new and oh so different than my peers, I was teased, a lot. Not just by students in my class but by teachers. I was made fun of for everything; how I spoke, how I dressed, how I played. Most days I ignored it because I really just loved playing and what I called "private time" at home. It didn't matter to me that at school I wasn't liked because I had a pretty full life outside. Some days, however, when a girl would get too snarky, I'd deck her. That would keep things quiet for awhile.

In my last year at this school, I found out about a contest that was to take place for all the girls in the last grade. It was called May Princess which is an annual tradition in most commonwealth countries. To be in it, all you had to do was give a speech in front of the entire school about who you were and what you would do as May Princess to represent the school amongst others in the area. The school would then vote and the girl with the most votes would win and would then get to sit on a float in a pretty dress and throw candy.

I wanted to be May Princess, wear a pretty dress, sit on a float and throw candy.

It's not that I actually thought I would win, but I never thought I would lose. I didn't think about it, anylyse it, play it out. I just thought it sounded like a fabulous idea and, without telling anyone, entered.

The day came when 13 of us girls had to sit in front of the school and wait our turn to speak. The 12 other girls were the girls. They had the hair and they had the clothes. But what they didn't have was confidence in themselves and the ability to speak.

Despite my awkwardness, I did.

I remember standing in front of the school, giving my little speech which was filled with much cheeky humour and a real passion for wanting to be princess. I remember people laughing and the little kids in the front row staring. I remember when I was finished and turned to walk to my seat, the other 12 girls laughing at me like I was retarded.

Later that afternoon, the 13 of us were called to the office to hear the results before they were announced. The headmaster said to us with a look of disbelief, "I don't know how, but she won. She won with 400 more votes than the next girl." He handed me the piece of paper that pronounced me May Princess as he kept repeating, "I don't know how, I don't know how."

I sat with a huge grin, the other girls scoweled. It was a very quiet walk back to class and when it was announced over the loud speaker that I won, I sat there grinning while the entire class, including the teacher, looked at me with that "what the hell" look.

Leaving school all the little kids kept running up to me saying, "I voted for you May Princess!" Some even asked for autographs! I was swarmed by all the little children who didn't care about hair spray or boys either.

When I got home, my mum was gardening in the front yard and I literally shouted to her, "Mum! I won! I was voted May Princess!" to which she replied, "What have we told you about lying?" She didn't believe some awkward girl who got into more fights with her peers and played make believe in the back yard could win some contest. But luckily a neighbour walked by whose child went to our school and told me congratulations. My mothers jaw dropped.

A month later I sat on the float, in a pretty white dress, and threw candy. It was so much fun I remember. I sat with girls from other schools who knew about hair spray, style and boys but somehow, liked me just the same. They assumed I must be cool to win so they chatted me up and we giggled on board the float. One girl next to me asked me how long I had primped for that day, after telling me about her day at the spa. I told her I had been digging for worms early but I had made sure to wash my hands. Oh, I added, I had taken a few minutes to learn how to walk in a heal. She smiled that polite May Princess smile and I smiled back. It was a good day to be a May Princess.

I often think back to that time and ask how was it that I won by so many votes. My guess is that I've always had a connection with kids somehow; they like me. While the older girls split the votes amongst their peers, I got all the primary's who didn't know what cool was or who was it this month. They just saw a girl with blonde hair and a big grin who seemed happy and maybe once or twice protected them from a bully on the play ground or played jump rope when they needed another player. I realised at a very early age that you can worry about a few people and be miserably controlled, or you can worry about yourself and have more freedom and happiness. I've always had a lot of freedom and happiness.

I also think about why I entered that contest, why I wasn't afraid or didn't think I'd lose. I think it's because my concern wasn't with how I would look, how I would win, or what it would all mean but how much fun it would all be. I did thingsbased on the enjoyment it would give me and not what was "cool" or "hip." Actually, that hasn't changed 17 years later.