alex the girl

This morning whilst admiring the first tulip to bloom in my garden, I noticed that I had a problem - aphids. I fetched a bag of live ladybugs from the garden shoppe, gave them a 'hip hip' talk on the drive home and then put them in the fridge until dusk (their supper).

A quick spritz of water to the flowers and spritz of a 50/50 mix of soda pop and water to the ladybugs (this prevents them from flying for several days and therefor keeping them more inclined to laze about the plants and eat the naughty buggers destroying them), I began to set free half the bag into my garden.

They climbed everywhere; on the tulips, on the bag, on me. Shortly my garden was coloured with red dots; dots that would soon have bulbous bellies which would make us all very happy.

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March 26, 2004

The day was cold and wet and my task list very long so I was happy when I could finally settle in for the night. I opened up one of the tins of tea that I just purchased and was so enamoured with the beauty of the artwork and packaging and the smell of the Vanilla Rooibos. But what also charmed me was the little saying that they enclosed on a card.

It read:

"T (the company) embodies our freedom to choose the very best for ourselves. Through the act of making a cup of tea and taking a moment to appreciate its aroma before taking a sip, we learn to value the simple luxuries of life. By recognizing art and beauty in everyday life, we find harmony with our world and disocver that peace can be found in a teacup."

Yes, it's a company trying to promote the drinking of their tea but this philosophy is something I so completely believe in. That the little things are so what matter. The being content with a moment of just sipping tea or smelling it's aroma, well, that's beautiful to me. So is the choosing the very best for ourselves, which we sometimes don't think we can do.

I remember speaking to my friend Andrea about this, about how I will indulge myself in good things though I don't buy a lot of things. For example, I will buy a skirt at my favourite store which costs quite a bit but then I only own two skirts, not a closet full, so I can afford to do this and I generally only buy a bit of clothes twice a year. I buy expensive tea but I don't buy gadgets and knick knacks so my money can be spent on something like luxurious tea. Andrea said to me that this made sense and said something I think a lot of people can relate to.

She said:

I have been experimenting with it myself. It's funny. I will go to the used clothing store and buy 3 old shirts that are cute, but not exactly what I want... What I don't realize sometimes is that those 3 shirts cost the same as the ONE perfect shirt that I DO want. Sometimes my budgeting logic makes absolutely no sense, but I feel a certain freedom, guilt free shopping feeling in the second hand store that I like.

I often think what if people bought less things that they don't really need, and more quality things that they really want. What if people bought less things they think they should have to be happy, and enjoyed more the simple things that cost nothing at all. I think perhaps the sniffing of tea wouldn't be such a crazy idea, as would spending a bit more on something that gives such pleasure and beauty to every day life.

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March 25, 2004

This weekend past I felt the need to get away; I had been ill, had a family loss and the work had piled up. Not being able to take a lot of time away, I decided to take as big as break as I could in twenty-four hours.

My search for some peace came by way of a three hour drive north to Vancouver, where I checked in early in the morning at the fabulous (and secret) boutique hotel, The Wedgewood. Its charm and luxurious feel greeted me as I entered the lobby. I was quickly whisked away to their terribly sweet (and small) spa where, for an hour I received a Lavender Bliss Body scrub and massage. That took the bit out of me and allowed me to relax for my next treat � afternoon tea.

For two hours I sat and dined in a cosy and elegant restaurant that had those tall, half circle purple velvet couches that you see in glamorous old movies. The tea was beyond amazing; each cup being brewed in your own private glass tea press, allowing you to choose multiple teas at will. The tea sandwiches, baked goods and jams accompanied by the most amazing conversations with my husband and the hotel director had me relaxing and forgetting everything that had been going on around me the past few months. I was in my own world.

Afterwards, I visited my best-friend Emily and her husband, spending another couple of hours eating, talking and laughing. It felt so good to be with dear friends that when I returned to the hotel that night, I almost didn�t need to take a bath but I did (one should always take a Jacuzzi bath at midnight if one can). The next morning I checked out of the hotel to meet two more fabulous women for coffee; the politically amazing and vibrant Lauren of the Soapbox Girls and the beautiful and charming Lori of Lori Joy Smith Designs. Again I chatted for a couple of hours which gave me enough of a rush and energy to drive back to Seattle where I arrived home happy, exhausted, and content. I had managed to give myself 24-hours of self-indulgence and not once did I feel guilty or worry about anything else. It was perfect and I didn�t want that feeling to go away, even though I have a lot of work to do and I�ve no idea when my next block of time off will be.

So what I did was purchase some very fine teas that I had at the Wedgewood along with a special 2-cup tea press just for me. This helps me feel a little pampered at home as it makes me slow down for a half-hour each day and creates a feeling of a little luxury, reminding me of that fabulous afternoon. Yes, the tea by some standards is expensive but seeing the beautiful tins (the presentation is amazing, especially in their assortment bags) stacked in my cupboard, smelling the beautiful scent of the Pear Green Tea, taking the time to brew it and then sip it in my nook whilst watching the storm outside, well, this is my daily indulgence, and everyone should have one of those.

I realised that I can�t always take 24 hours off nor can I always indulge in a day at the spa and tea. But I can take little moments, good moments, and hope they can carry me over until the next time I can.

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March 21, 2004

The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest.

Thomas Moore, 19th-century poet.

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March 15, 2004

At 19 I laid in the hospital, just having had my 7th surgery in 10 years. This time, the doctor took a rather large bit of bone from my hip and infused it into my right ankle. The pain I felt was unlike any pain I had ever had; it was intolerable.

When I mentioned this to the nurse, she took out a huge needle and stabbed my right thigh. Each time I mentioned the pain, she�d once again stab my thigh with pain killers. Several days of this kept me in a head funk and also keep me groggy.

I remember looking down at my thighs which were swollen, bruised and severely pricked from so much pain killer and being disgusted with what I saw. I�d been living in a daze, full of drugs, trying to ignore what the pain was trying to tell me: something was wrong I had to work through it instead of continuously ignoring it.

You see, there was a blood pack and tubing attached to my hip and my side wasn�t closed completely yet this caused me very little discomfort. My ankle, on the other hand, was a nightmare. The pain was there for a reason and I couldn�t numb it. I had to work through it.

The next time the nurse asked if it hurt and I said yes, I stopped her before she could inject me and I told her, �I am in a lot of physical pain and it�s not normal.� She fought me on this, telling me it was and I told her something was wrong. It literally took me a day of fighting and demanding for them to open the cast on my foot to find out what was wrong.

When they opened the cast, they discovered that the doctor had put a 6� metal pin through my foot, something he hadn�t told me about pre-surgery. This pin caused an allergic reaction which caused my foot to swell up and press against the cast. It was a mess and I had to have corrective surgery on this.

I thought of this because in January I received some devastating news. It was the biggest loss I had ever felt and I hadn�t had this kind of pain before. So I numbed it by trying to ignore it, taking trips, getting a massage, working like mad, visiting my favourite store often to pet pretty things, planning more trips, trying to keep busy with useless tasks. But despite my best efforts to numb the pain and live in a groggy state, I kept having little twangs of pain that weren't going away. I realised that I would have to open up the wound and sit with the pain in order to make it better.

So I spent this weekend past grieving. I turned off my phone, set up the fort in the living room, read some books, sipped some tea, watched a movie, wept a little, sat with all the thoughts, gave in and just rested. This was my way of working through the pain, of accepting it so that I can move forward and start to heal. And no, things won't be like before but I'll adjust. Because if I can run with an ankle that can't bend, I can surely walk from this.

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March 02, 2004

A little story with photos of my trip to France.