alex the girl

This move has taught me several things. The first is that having friends is really a wonderful thing, especially if they are strong and can be bought with baguettes and tea. The second is that even if it's your 22nd move since you were 18, it doesn't get easier, especially when you have furniture. And the third thing is has taught me is that if you want something but it seems unattainable and even a little scary, go after it. You can get it with some dreaming, some haggling and by putting one foot in front of the other.

Happy New Year - I'll be offline constructing my new flat, fixing my new office and lounging on lots of floor space. (Thank-you, Santa. I do believe.)

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December 19, 2003

It started four Christmases ago by accident; I had just finished up some Christmas baking and was craving milk, something we don�t keep in the house. We were both lazy and tired but the milk craving was strong so we decided to walk to the store to get some.

I stepped out onto the balcony to determine how many layers of clothing I�d need to wear when I saw boat after boat going by our flat. And not just any boats; boats with Christmas lights.

We headed outside and were met by dozens of people, all walking a fast paced. We decided to follow them, not knowing what was going on. We walked along the water, a little faster than all the boats. Just two blocks away, at the beach, was a huge gathering of people around a bonfire. There was a huge ship in front, surrounded by dozens of tiny ones. Then it started.

People onboard the largest ship sang Christmas songs for over half an hour as everyone on shore sang along, loudly and badly.

We forgot about the milk that night, but it started a new tradition for us. Four years later, we�re still living on the lake, still waiting for the ships to pass our flat, still walking to the beach to hear them as we sing along loudly and badly.

Over the past few years I�ve been dropping traditions I no longer care for or find useful. I don�t want to do things on autopilot; there�s no use in that. But I�ve also gained a few new ones, like the Christmas boats and the Christmas baking. Sometimes you just have to make something yours and slowly, I�m doing that with Christmas.

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December 13, 2003

Dear Santa,

I confess to being a bit wicked this year but feel I have paid for that by having the frat boys live above and below me with their bass, parties and yelling at all hours of the night, every night. So with that logic, I think perhaps I deserve something for Christmas. All I'm asking for is that lovely little flat across the way, you know, that beautiful spacious two bedroom (two bedrooms!) one that is quiet and calm. I would really like to have that and move in ASAP. If you could arrange that, Santa, I promise to try to refrain from swearing like a trouper and laughing at people stuck in traffic as we pass them in the carpool lanes.

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December 08, 2003

On Friday night I checked into a hotel, looking forward to a little comfort, peace and quiet. What I got, however, was completely different; there was little comfort, lots of noise and no sleep. Saturday morning, dishevelled completely, I rang a friend in town to tell her my tragic tale. She told me I could stay in her guest room and not to worry.

I�d never been to her home before, nor had I seen any photos which made walking into it that more dramatic. It was everything my flat was not; large with walls painted in soft shades of pink, lavender, blue and yellow. There were flowery curtains everywhere as well as little sweet lampshades that could have come from my favourite store, Anthropolgie. Huge, soft, oversized couches, a fireplace, magazines all over, wall hangings galore, dried flowers. It was something straight out of Victoria Magazine and I was in-love. The cosiness of this home felt so much better than my minimalist, Ikea/Danish filled flat that had bold red, brown/green and blue/grey walls and clean walls.

That night, I slept in her guest bed, under a canopy of pink and I thought how shabby my home was next to this. How unspecial it was and how I couldn�t provide such hospitality because I wouldn�t know how to put a home together like this one. Although I adore pink more than any girl I know, I�m not so good at being girly, especially when it comes to decorating and matching pastel colours, flowers and cushions. I started to think less of my home because I knew it couldn�t be like hers.

The next day I headed home and on the way stopped at a friends to pick up my keys as up she house sat for me to keep my cat company. When I asked her how her stay was her eyes lit up and she told me how much she loved it. She said she was fascinated with my bathroom of all things (I keep a good stash of lotions and potions from around the world. There is where my girly-ness lies) and had used different things she had never heard of. She said she had plugged in the Christmas tree and enjoyed it immensely and loved having her laptop connected to high speed cable as she laid on the bed I had made for her in the living room. She told me how she enjoyed the tea I had left out and basically, had loved being in my little flat. She said she had found it terribly cosy.

It was after that conversation that I realised that the grass is never greener, it�s just a different shade.

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December 07, 2003

Few people, it seems, enjoy the holidays anymore. So many souls seem to go on auto-pilot, pulling out the credit card for gifts that will collect clutter in someone else's home or gifts that have no meaning but sure look impressive to the Jone's. Holiday gatherings are done out of obligation and not cosy tradition. No one has time, they say, to invest in real moments, real giving, and real smiles.

I don't think it takes time, I think it just takes some stepping back, a huge breath, and lots of simple thoughts (after all, if it's truly the thought that counts, shouldn't the thought count?).

For me, this means that to keep my love of the holiday season I only give one of three gifts; the gift of time, food or books.

I'm especially prone to giving the gift of food, particularly cookies as I find it soothing, comforting and fun to make a trip to market, load up on ingredients and bake like a mad woman whilst the Charlie Brown Christmas CD plays in the background. I'm a mess while baking; flour all over myself, bowls all over the counter and fingers covered in mix. But I enjoy the day that I set aside for this because it's something rather fun, as is the end result. (I must confess, if pressed for time I resort to the ready bake sugar cookies but take ten minutes to paint the buggers like a five year old).

Once I bake the cookies (from sugar cookies decorated badly with icing and colouring, my infamous chocolate chips with green and red MnM's added, the perennial favourite Coconut Jam Thumbprints, and any others I can think of adding) I arrange them carefully in a box, tie it with ribbon and deliver. It's one gift I know gets used and people have come to wait for them. Simple, inexpensive and terribly fun to do. It's an event for me and not just a gift for someone else.

As I've said on several occasions, I'm not good at baking but that's so not the point. There's something so comforting and sweet about making something for someone, I think. Yes, the mall might have fabulous gadgets and the latest gear but sometimes I think when we purchase gifts like that we're just going through the motion. There's no meaning behind the gift, no importance. I like to make people feel a little important and them knowing that baking isn't easy for me and that I most likely wasted a lot of ingredients on burned cookies somehow means something.

If I can't bake for someone (they're too far away or I won't see them), then I offer two other things; the gift of time or a fabulous book. I like to search for titles that I think would appeal to someone and generally scour my little local bookstore for something unique. Books, I find, always make good gifts, especially if you package them up nicely and add some tea, candles or bubble bath alongside it.

Despite giving the same kinds of gifts all the time, they've never bored people or myself. It helps me to look forward to the holidays instead of fearing it. It's simple, easy and terribly charming, I think, to do little things instead of plunking down the credit card for reasons unknown.

I would like to add that for me, one of the nicest things is to receive a card that has a little written message in it and not simply someone's signed name. It shows that they took two seconds to think of me and that is just one of the most wonderful feelings. Everyone is so busy but the clock won't expand so we have to figure out how to use what time we have and where it matters. If, perhaps, baking, giving the gift of time or searching for something meaningful eludes you this season, take ten minutes, grab a mocha and sit and write a little note to attach to each gift. That itself, can sometimes can sometimes be the ultimate present.

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December 04, 2003

I just finished up the last of my 32 Christmas cards I�ll be sending out this year. Each one was hand made and a personal note scribbled inside. It�s a tradition I do every year and one I not only enjoy, but look forward to. This despite the fact that I�ll most likely not get more than three Christmas cards back.

Some people wonder why I make such a deal with the cards when I almost never get any in return. What is the value, they ask? The value, I think, is not so much in the giving, but in how I feel in the doing. And I feel very happy to sit, create, write, stamp, address and mail.

A lot of people assume that I must receive a tonne of cards, gifts, notes and so forth but the truth is, I don�t. I think there is an expectation that one does things for things but the truth is there is very little I do that offers a return. If getting something was reason to continue, then I should have given up long ago. However, I keep writing cards, web sites, volunteering, donating, saying hullo to dogs, being kind because I love to do it. It�s my indulgence, my pleasure.

I think a lot of people always ask �what�s in it for me� when they do something and sometimes, this is a very useful thing to ask. But the truth is, there is a lot of things in life one does in which a thanks, acknowledgement or reward are never given. But I think if we do things for our enjoyment, satisfaction and happiness, that is reward enough.