alex the girl

Now, I'm not a religious girl by any means nor do I hold belief in Heaven or Hell (despite cheekiness in previous post) but I do believe that living here on earth, is as good as it gets.

But it bothers me when someone dies and people say, "They've gone to a better place." Let's assume that there is a Heaven, a Heaven with no war, only good, kind people, no problems and fluffy rabbits to pet at every turn. If that was your eternal life - doing the same, happy, beautiful thing every day without feeling (because you'd just be happy and content) - don't you think at some point that would just completely bore the shite out of you? It would me.

Despite the fact that some days suck a little more than others, that sometimes I whack my knee against the cupboard and have a painful bruise for two weeks, that sometimes the bone disease that I have stiffens me up so much I can't walk, that sometimes I get overwhelmed, I still find this life to be absolutely amazing and I go so far to call it my Heaven.

Take Pollyanna out of this equation and instead measure in the fact that we have choices, we have emotions, we can do things, change things, be things. We can go from lows to highs - how exciting is that? Everything in life isn't meant to be perfect - it's meant to be life. Living.

I've heard various beliefs about what happens to someone when they die and I take the view that whatever you want to have happen, happens. Someone once told me about a movie where there were two people are in their "Heaven" but decide to be reincarnated and find each other all over again. This idea appeals to me, to come back and live all over again. Have every emotion, try different paths, learn new things, meet new people, have beautiful moments and terribly dark days. This is human life and why it's so beautiful.

People will tell me, "Alex, that's so bloody naive" or "Easy for you to say" but the truth is, it's just that easy. We tend to make things complicated as forms of excuses. They tell people how they were dealt a bad life instead and that's why they have problems and issues that never go away. But what happens if you don't live under the assumption that everything is supposed to be perfect and easy? What if you believed that being handed a life was lucky in itself? I tell you what happens, it makes the moments that kick ass just that much more and you find you'll live better even during tricky bits.

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January 15, 2003

There are some days, like today, when I feel the need for theme music while I walk; the Be Good Tanyas fit the bill and I plopped the CD into my discman.

I have a love/hate relationship with my discman. It came from Chris who picked it up many many years ago at a flea market for $5. The battery cover is missing, the CD cover doesn't close properly, and the headphones are $3 little plastic things that came from a grocer. Those things don't bother me so much as not having anti-skip. Because one of my ankles doesn't bend, I walk slightly less than smooth, creating bumps that goes straight to the discman. It skips, misses parts and sometimes takes ten minutes to play a four minute tune.

But yet, I can't get myself to buy a new discman because I have mastered a special way of holding this one - two hands on either end in front of my body, slightly tiltled - that seems to keep the music playing in one piece. It's this slightly awkward act that leaves me feeling like Anne Shirley with her carpet bag and is reason why I keep using it even though for thirty dollars I could upgrade. This discman is uniquely mine for I'm the only one who can get it to play. And as trite as that sounds, it's actually a really nice reason to keep it.

< December 2002 | Main | February 2003 >

January 13, 2003

You know you've achieved perfection in design,
Not when you have nothing more to add,
But when you have nothing more to take away.

Antoine de Saint Exupery.

< December 2002 | Main | February 2003 >

January 09, 2003

There's a lot of things I've been doing lately - reading far too many books at once, discovering latte's, healing dying plants, chatting up friends on the phone, working, designing, napping. But one thing I've been doing more than any other is creating.

It began with a fascination over Dawn's Life Uncommon page, which is not only incredibly beautiful but smart. She captures the world so amazingly with her camera; it leaves me in awe and wanting more. Never have I so eagerly gone on-line looking for updates. I think why I'm so in love with her work is because it's on a platform that I can do and am now doing once again, thanks to her and some words from my best-friend.

Although I was always the girl who carried her camera around, I had grown lazy over the past several years. The laziness then turned into fear which became a sore spot for me, especially last fall when I had taken a writing break and wanted to start being creative in other ways. But before each attempt I would freak out and say, "I can't do this. I am not an artist."

My best-friend Emily, an accomplished artist who is completely natural and nonchalant about all her talents, gave me a great kick in the ass when she (unknowingly) emailed me some advice:

"Threre are a few things I'm not that great at but at least I try before I say "I wish I could do that"

That just hit me hard. She tries, which is why she is so natural with everything she does. She does things, they become habit, they become skill, they become real. I, however, was failing because I wasn't even trying.

Between that line and Dawn's site, I got my groove back. Snapping my cameras like a mad woman, painting every night at sunset and drawing little figures while sipping tea.

Creating, how wonderful a thing.