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May 21, 2002

I, like everyone else, try to do so much.

Sometimes I kick ass and sometimes, well, not so much. This week has been filled with the not so much.

I'm confused and overloaded, so many projects going on yet not enough. There's no direction, no concrete floor to stand on, I feel sometimes as though I'm sinking in the middle of nowhere.

I dream big, maybe too big. I still believe in the magic, in a wink, and the warm summer nights. I want to play, feel free and not worry so much if what I do is right or wrong.

It's scary, sometimes to feel this way. To question everything and want more when I have so much. Maybe it's not a question of wanting more, but just wanting what feels right. I'm not sure what does, I've been trying on so many shoes yet one still has to fit.

There's got to be some kind of art program for me to work in somewhere, a magazine to pay me a dollar or two and someone willing to have tea on a sunny afternoon.

I suppose, I've got to be willing to look for it, and I will. Just maybe not today.