I’m currently doing some projects with a brilliant and wonderful producer and although I’m in-love with the work I’m doing there (lots of script reading, searching for projects to produce, events, chatting and editing), what I most adore about it all is where I get to go.
It’s to a place that is over three acres and has a beautiful home, garden and outside office office which is surrounded by trees, flowers, oranges, apples, squirrels, birds and horses. Just a short walk down the road is a simple community outdoor horse ring that’s used by all the horse people in the area (including some very famous neighbours).
Sometimes after I’m done at the office, I’ll stop at the ring and watch the trainer and train the horse horse. What I’ve come to understand is that there is an agreement between the two; the trainer asks the horse to do something and the horse complies. The horse could choose to jump over the fence, run into the trainer or blow a fit and not run around the ring but he doesn’t – he agrees to do what the trainer asks.
This, I don’t think, is unique to this situation. I think everyone makes agreements with everyone. Often I hear things from people such as “he made me do it” or “I have to because my boss said so” but really, no one has to do anything. They just agree to do things.
I have been examining my own agreements with people to see if I actually agree with what I’m agreeing too. And for the most part, I am. There’s someone I’m currently working with who is driving me absolutely insane but I can’t blame her entirely because I am agreeing to accept her behaviours and work with them. If I chose not to agree I would either bitch slap her or not work with her – two options that I currently don’t agree with (however, if I have to work with her a day longer, my agreement with her might change!).
Consciously recognising and understanding the agreements we make with people involves a high level personal responsibility. It forces a person to accept control of their life and situation. It forces them to recognise that they have made a choice to do something and an agreement with someone else. There’s so much blame in the world as to why a person isn’t happy instead of realising a lot of it has to do with agreeing to be unhappy.
This ties in to an earlier post and it’s been something that’s been coming up a lot for me. The more I understand what I am agreeing to do, the more freedom I feel I have to do (or not do) it. There’s no more feeling of helplessness, of loss of control, of things being done to me. It’s a realisation that my life is made up of choice and agreements and that everyday I am agreeing to everything (good and bad).
It’s a lot easier to live this way than to blame.